I was recently in a discussion with a friend about someone he knew who was "fighting" ALS. He said that the reason his friend was doing so well was because of his positive attitude and mental toughness.
I immediately found myself feeling unsettled about this common misconception---that if we "fight" hard enough and stay positive we can control our outcome and maybe won't die. Not only is that wrong, it contributes to the assumption that death is failure. It leaves those who die despite their every effort to live, feeling like they somehow didn't do enough.
I have personally worked with many people who "fought" hard and had very positive attitudes, yet died from their disease. And conversely, those who were negative and didn't take great care of themselves, lived much longer than ever expected. While attitude can affect one's experience with their disease, it doesn't necessarily dictate the outcome.
A few years ago, I worked with a 24 year old girl dying of cancer who shared that she was worried she must not have genuine faith because she was losing her ability to believe that God was going to cure her cancer. She was unfortunately told by a well-meaning person that true faith was never giving up hope that God would heal her. The reality was that she wasn't being cured of her cancer and in fact was weeks away from dying--and NOT because she didn't believe or have enough faith--and NOT because God failed her--rather it was because she had an aggressive terminal cancer. God does not define that healing means primarily a physical cure.
As with so many people I have helped die, this girl found peace, shared hope and comfort with those around her, and was able to share her faith with many during her final week of life. Similarly, my brother used to say, "Do not pray for my cancer or my blindness to go away, because I see God more clearly in the dark than I ever have in the light." His cancer and blindness cured his ailing soul.
People who are sick and facing death don't need to be further victimized by these negative assumptions. I believe these perceptions are perpetuated so that people can have a sense of control. If we could only learn that death is a part of living, then we could learn how to find peace with the reality that we truly don't have control over when and how we die. Accepting death as a possible outcome despite our efforts, allows us the opportunity to focus on living and maximizing the impact we have on family and friends. In the end, hope and healing doesn't necessarily mean that our physical body survives--it is often the case that it is our relationships and our own souls that are cured.
Fighting does not necessarily equal healing, accepting death does not mean you are giving up, and a cure does not only occur when your physical body survives.